Tag Archive | film

Top Ten Holiday Movies For Jaded Curmudgeons

We are in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when the days get jumbled and we want to maintain the holiday spirit as much as we can until the real world comes roaring back at us. One of the holiday traditions I look forward to every year is watching holiday movies—both rewatching the classics and discovering new ones. Here are my top 10 holiday movies:

#10 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

This Christmas version of the National Lampoon’s Vacation series that never got as good as the original National Lampoon’s Vacation, follows the Griswold family trying to navigate the holidays. Like the original, Randy Quaid’s performance as Cousin Eddy makes the movie complete and his arrival in the film (“Shitter’s full!)” is its most memorable moment.

#9 The Naught Nine

A group of kids who don’t get Christmas gifts because of their varying misdeeds take it upon themselves to steal gifts directly from Santa’s workshop at the North Pole. The motley crew of miscreants is likeable from the start. Danny Glover pulls it off as a beleaguered but compassionate Santa Claus and the story left me wanting a sequel, which the film’s ending seems to indicate is coming (so far it hasn’t; get on that, Disney).

#8 Red One

This Christmas action-adventure features Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the head of security for the North Pole when Santa Claus, played with sharp-witted and jovial panache by J.K. Simmons, is kidnapped. Chris Evans, best known for playing Captain America, is the ne’er-do-well computer hacker who unwittingly helps locate Santa for the kidnappers and is drawn into a battle between two differing views of the supernatural world’s view of Christmas. It’s a bit heavy on the CGI but it works and it’s kid friendly with some nice material for adults also.

#7 It’s a Wonderful Life

This is the movie I watched because everyone I knew had seen it because it’s a classic Christmas movie. Although time and technology have chipped away at its dominance among Christmas films, it continues to occupy a place in the American consciousness. The classic Frank Capra American drama of good vs. evil and community vs. craven greed holds up as every bit as relevant today. Enjoy a classic American film and believe.

#6 Home Alone

This story of an isolated young man waging a campaign of mechanized violence against two bumbling thieves never gets old. It has slapstick comedic appeal for adults, self-recognition for parents, and good goofy fun for kids. It also has the same appeal that Death Wish has in that we get to see lowly criminals dealt harsh street justice at the hands of a would-be victim.

#5 Elf

This brings holiday cheer for children with some nice crumbs thrown to adults. Will Farrell’s over-the-top performance as Buddy the Elf helps sell the film, as does the casting choice of Ed Asner as Santa Claus. Santa’s advice to Buddy as he prepares to leave the North Pole for New York City is memorable: “First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn’t free candy.” It has a great scene with Peter Dinklage as an enraged executive and James Caan is Buddy’s long-lost father. Good holiday cheer and kid friendly.

#4 Santa’s Slay

Hilarious purposely B-movie gory comedy horror starring pro-wrestler (and Georgia Bulldog) Bill Goldberg as a murderous St. Nick who delivers over-the-top carnage while driving a bison-drawn sleigh across the land. Robert Culp, who I loved as a kid when he played a rugged FBI agent on “The Greatest American Hero,” plays a loving grandfather with a secret past who must confront the evil Santa to save Christmas. Not kid-friendly but perfect for holiday gatherings with adults.

#3 A Christmas Story

This is many people’s number one for good reason and it never gets old no matter how many times you see it. I feel Ralphie Parker’s pain as he longs for a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. The scene with Santa Claus in the department store is a must-see Christmas scene, and there are many iconic scenes in the film that represent the experience of growing up in America at Christmastime. This has stood the test of time and will continue.

#2 Fatman

This movie takes you by surprise in its subtlety. You almost don’t think Mel Gibson is playing Santa Claus but someone who just looks like Santa. Make no mistake though, “Chris” is Chris Cringle himself, and struggles with finances and sleigh repairs in a down-to-earth way that makes the holiday spirit impact that much more effective. The scene where Santa gets letters from kids who are living their dreams will give you the holiday feels. Also, there’s a ruthless, Santa-hating assassin hired to kill Santa and a bloody gun battle ensues. Put this on your holiday movie watch list.

#1 Bad Santa

Still the creepy granddaddy of all holiday movies. Bad Santa will have you spitting up your eggnog with its absolute depravity but also brighten your day with redemptive holiday cheer. Billy Bob Thorton as a drunken, safe-cracking thief is the jaded antihero we need to balance the relentlessness of the holiday season, which creeps in earlier every year. The ensemble cast includes “Gilmore Girls” star Lauren Graham, John Ritter in one of his last roles as the department store manager, and Bernie Mac as the head of mall security. The sequel that followed a few years later has its moments, but can’t replicate the power of the original. Watch this with your adult friends who have a good sense of humor and after the kids are asleep (not just in bed, asleep).

Honorable mentions: Violent Night, Gremlins, Home Alone 2, Die Hard, Scrooged.

Happily out of the pop culture loop

Judging by what I see on my much-too-frequent perusal of social media, many of my friends and acquaintances have taken great lengths to see the latest Star Wars movie. I’ve read some excellent reviews and fully intend to see it, but this may be the first time I have not seen a Star Wars movie in the theater. It’s not because I don’t like Star Wars, it’s because I no longer put the same value or effort into pop culture.

I am the oldest person in the small office where I work. I’m even a few years older than the manager, my boss. I work with people who were born while I was in high school or college. It makes me feel old. Very few of them own a SLAYER CD, if they own CDs at all. I recognize some of the names of the people or musical groups they say they listen to, but I’m definitely plugged into another era. This summer my wife and I were talking to her teenage niece about what music she listens to. She mentioned several popular bands that played large venues and I had never heard of any of them.

I am not attuned to what is popular with today’s teenagers and young adults. And I’m perfectly fine with that. I am glad that I’m out of touch on these things and out of the loop, and not because today’s pop culture is all crap and the pop culture of my time was so much better. I watched Morton Downey Jr. and listened to Howard Stern habitually when I was a teen and young adult, I honestly have no business looking down my nose at people who follow the Kardashians (but I still do).

One can make the argument that that pop culture of today is overly sanitized and bears the telltale signs of patchwork social engineering. Because our society’s mass media is trying to appeal to a multitude of cultures in a divided and tribal world, any cultural authenticity has been discreetly purged from it. But pop culture is always a remnant and a reflection of its times, and human beings have a tendency to romanticize the past.

Being unfamiliar with today’s popular culture doesn’t bother me because I ought to be spending my time more wisely than familiarizing myself with it. There was a time that I was very much immersed in pop culture, but life goes on after high school and college.

It’s a natural part of aging, to be out of touch with the latest in pop culture. If I was well-versed in what is trendy among the younger generations, I’d be a pathetic middle-aged clown desperately trying to cling to some shred of youth. I want no part in that. Acting your age is part of embracing life and living it to the fullest.

The music I listened to and the movies I watched when I was steeped in the pop culture of my time are now decades old and being rehashed for profit. I don’t want to spoil the memories I have of those times by trying to relive the days of my youth with self-congratulating sentimentality. I don’t need to see a movie about N.W.A.’s Straight Outta Compton album; I had the album on cassette when it came out.

Let’s not be close-minded and refuse to pay attention to worthwhile contemporary art and culture, but let’s be comfortable with who we are and with our stage in life.