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Top Ten Holiday Movies For Jaded Curmudgeons

We are in the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when the days get jumbled and we want to maintain the holiday spirit as much as we can until the real world comes roaring back at us. One of the holiday traditions I look forward to every year is watching holiday movies—both rewatching the classics and discovering new ones. Here are my top 10 holiday movies:

#10 National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

This Christmas version of the National Lampoon’s Vacation series that never got as good as the original National Lampoon’s Vacation, follows the Griswold family trying to navigate the holidays. Like the original, Randy Quaid’s performance as Cousin Eddy makes the movie complete and his arrival in the film (“Shitter’s full!)” is its most memorable moment.

#9 The Naught Nine

A group of kids who don’t get Christmas gifts because of their varying misdeeds take it upon themselves to steal gifts directly from Santa’s workshop at the North Pole. The motley crew of miscreants is likeable from the start. Danny Glover pulls it off as a beleaguered but compassionate Santa Claus and the story left me wanting a sequel, which the film’s ending seems to indicate is coming (so far it hasn’t; get on that, Disney).

#8 Red One

This Christmas action-adventure features Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the head of security for the North Pole when Santa Claus, played with sharp-witted and jovial panache by J.K. Simmons, is kidnapped. Chris Evans, best known for playing Captain America, is the ne’er-do-well computer hacker who unwittingly helps locate Santa for the kidnappers and is drawn into a battle between two differing views of the supernatural world’s view of Christmas. It’s a bit heavy on the CGI but it works and it’s kid friendly with some nice material for adults also.

#7 It’s a Wonderful Life

This is the movie I watched because everyone I knew had seen it because it’s a classic Christmas movie. Although time and technology have chipped away at its dominance among Christmas films, it continues to occupy a place in the American consciousness. The classic Frank Capra American drama of good vs. evil and community vs. craven greed holds up as every bit as relevant today. Enjoy a classic American film and believe.

#6 Home Alone

This story of an isolated young man waging a campaign of mechanized violence against two bumbling thieves never gets old. It has slapstick comedic appeal for adults, self-recognition for parents, and good goofy fun for kids. It also has the same appeal that Death Wish has in that we get to see lowly criminals dealt harsh street justice at the hands of a would-be victim.

#5 Elf

This brings holiday cheer for children with some nice crumbs thrown to adults. Will Farrell’s over-the-top performance as Buddy the Elf helps sell the film, as does the casting choice of Ed Asner as Santa Claus. Santa’s advice to Buddy as he prepares to leave the North Pole for New York City is memorable: “First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn’t free candy.” It has a great scene with Peter Dinklage as an enraged executive and James Caan is Buddy’s long-lost father. Good holiday cheer and kid friendly.

#4 Santa’s Slay

Hilarious purposely B-movie gory comedy horror starring pro-wrestler (and Georgia Bulldog) Bill Goldberg as a murderous St. Nick who delivers over-the-top carnage while driving a bison-drawn sleigh across the land. Robert Culp, who I loved as a kid when he played a rugged FBI agent on “The Greatest American Hero,” plays a loving grandfather with a secret past who must confront the evil Santa to save Christmas. Not kid-friendly but perfect for holiday gatherings with adults.

#3 A Christmas Story

This is many people’s number one for good reason and it never gets old no matter how many times you see it. I feel Ralphie Parker’s pain as he longs for a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. The scene with Santa Claus in the department store is a must-see Christmas scene, and there are many iconic scenes in the film that represent the experience of growing up in America at Christmastime. This has stood the test of time and will continue.

#2 Fatman

This movie takes you by surprise in its subtlety. You almost don’t think Mel Gibson is playing Santa Claus but someone who just looks like Santa. Make no mistake though, “Chris” is Chris Cringle himself, and struggles with finances and sleigh repairs in a down-to-earth way that makes the holiday spirit impact that much more effective. The scene where Santa gets letters from kids who are living their dreams will give you the holiday feels. Also, there’s a ruthless, Santa-hating assassin hired to kill Santa and a bloody gun battle ensues. Put this on your holiday movie watch list.

#1 Bad Santa

Still the creepy granddaddy of all holiday movies. Bad Santa will have you spitting up your eggnog with its absolute depravity but also brighten your day with redemptive holiday cheer. Billy Bob Thorton as a drunken, safe-cracking thief is the jaded antihero we need to balance the relentlessness of the holiday season, which creeps in earlier every year. The ensemble cast includes “Gilmore Girls” star Lauren Graham, John Ritter in one of his last roles as the department store manager, and Bernie Mac as the head of mall security. The sequel that followed a few years later has its moments, but can’t replicate the power of the original. Watch this with your adult friends who have a good sense of humor and after the kids are asleep (not just in bed, asleep).

Honorable mentions: Violent Night, Gremlins, Home Alone 2, Die Hard, Scrooged.