The Sammy’s Roumanian Steakhouse Experience
I’ve recently changed jobs and on the last week of work my office had a social outing to wish me well. I had never been to Sammy’s Roumanian Steakhouse and asked to go there.
Yes, it is shameful that I had lived this long and not gone to Sammy’s, being a New Yorker through and through. Sammy’s is a quintessential New York institution and a landmark for Jewish New York culture.
Our office took cabs to arrive on Christie Street while it was still light out. It looked like we were the first to arrive for the evening dinner rush (sadly Sammy’s is only open for dinner). The place is below street and adheres to its famous basement aesthetic except that finished basements usually have carpeting; Sammy’s looks dingier than your average suburban basement. There are photos and business cards stuck everywhere and the place is eerie when it’s a bit empty. That changed quickly though.
There is schmaltz (a viscous spread) in small maple syrup style pitchers on the tables rather than butter as Sammy’s is a kosher-style restaurant; the food is classic Jewish-American cuisine. I made sure to taste the schmaltz—it tasted like chicken fat, which is essentially what it is. A giant bowl of chopped chicken liver with onions was irresistible and I had as much of that as I could.
The place is also famous for its vodka. The first thing our table ordered was a bottle of vodka that is served inside a frozen block of ice (appearing to have been frozen in a milk container).
I knew that there was an entertainer who sang and played music at Sammy’s. I did not know the extent that Dani Luv was a dominant force who could turn a weekday work night into an evening of ribald fun. He really dominates the room and infuses it with an energy that defines the atmosphere and turns up the charm on the minimalist décor. He stands or sits on a stool behind a modest keyboard in the corner, a large tip jar and small disco ball nearby. A New York Times profile from 2013 notes that his name is Dani Lubnitzki and he is Israeli. The impact he has on the evening can’t be understated. If Joan Rivers had been in a three-way with Don Rickles and “Weird” Al Yankovic, she would have given birth to Dani Luv.
By the time Dani got started, another larger group occupied a nearby table and he asked both groups how many Jews there were among us. Invariably several people at each table raised their hands. “How about you, the ISIS guy,” he said, referring to a dark-skinned man who looked Middle Eastern and had a beard, “you’re not Jewish, are you?” The guy laughed and shook his head, ‘no.’ “Of course not…”
“Why are you guys here?” he asked our table.
“This guy is leaving the company,” our boss answered, pointing at me.
“That guy’s leaving the company because he doesn’t want to work with Jews anymore!” Dani joked. Our table had another good laugh.
The food is big. We had the family style meal and there was so much food that three of us took a lot home. I had the schmaltz on the rye bread, and the chicken liver, and the latkes, and something they called “Jewish ravioli” that was very dense and delicious, and chicken and even some salad. I couldn’t say no to the large steaks either. If you go to a place that is famous as a steak house, it feels somewhat like a crime to not have the steak. There was also stuffed cabbage and pickles and pickled peppers (not an entire peck of pickled peppers but enough for everyone).
The evening wound down quickly as people had long commutes home from Manhattan. Dani Luv begged a few to stay- at least our female coworkers anyway, but before the night got too late it was me and my boss.
My boss finished off the vodka and bought me a Sammy’s t-shirt. I gave Dani Luv a generous tip and took my photo with him. Soon after we headed home.
Sammy’s is a great New York tradition and I vow to make visiting there a tradition of my own. I was very fortunate to work with a great bunch of people and it was difficult to leave. Saying goodbye at such a fun place put a more cheerful lining on a sad event.
Kosher Pedophilia, NYC Approved
New York mayoral candidates agree: it’s OK to suck a baby’s penis.
There’s a little-known and thankfully infrequent practice called metzitzah b’peh where a mohel (rabbi who performs circumcisions) briefly sucks the wound of a freshly-circumcised baby’s penis. The stated purpose is to clean the wound of blood.
In addition to the fact that parents voluntarily are letting someone suck off their newborn infant, a rabbi managed to kill two babies by infecting them with herpes in this manner. After this happened, some city officials wanted to ban the practice. It couldn’t be too tough to outlaw performing oral sex on an infant, right? One would think that would already be covered by laws against sex with children and such. But some Jewish groups complained and instead of giving these baby-blowing rabbis a one-way ticket to the big house, the city’s board of health requires that parents of the infant receive notice of potential health hazards and give written permission.
The matter has recently come up as a question to mayoral candidates, with only City Council speaker Christine Quinn defending the Board of Health rule, though with some pandering blather about a “lack of engagement” with people who defend this practice.
So there’s a religious ritual that allows a member of the clergy to perform oral sex on a newborn infant and the political class is debating whether or not to force parents to fill out a permission slip?
In a sane society, pedophiles are put in prison. Just because you have a Hebrew word for a sick ritual doesn’t make it acceptable. I’m not sure what the Latin translation is for “infant blowjob,” (“oralis coitum cum infante?”) but if the Vatican published one it wouldn’t make their legions of pedophile priests any less perverse.
And keep in mind, this is only done by a very small minority of a very small minority. Most Jews are not members of the black hat squad, and this is very rare even for them. It is a miniscule population of religious fanatics that do this, what are the electoral benefits of turning a blind eye to a pedophile ritual that has actually killed babies through disease? Apparently the candidates for mayor think that the well-organized Hasidim can deliver enough votes to make it worth their while to play ball.
Religious freedom is one of the founding principles of the U.S., but that’s no cover to commit horrible crimes. The people who brought down the twin towers were earnestly following their heartfelt religious edicts. Could I sacrifice a chicken at my desk at work if I started to practice Santeria? I’m sure if researched the pagan rituals of the ancient Celts, I could find a religious excuse to paint myself blue and fornicate with 24-year-old nubiles. It would be a beautiful celebration of my Irish heritage, I’m sure, but that wouldn’t get me very far in divorce court.
New York is home to every minority you can dream of, and you can covert to whatever religion you want to. Let’s at least draw the line at sucking babies’ penises.


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